Men tend to deal rather differently with their emotions than women, at least in terms of the expression of their emotions, and aspects such as self esteem aren’t really discussed over a beer or in male focused media. For that reason, this article touches on the importance of self-esteem for men and how to increase yours.
Whilst women tend to be happy to share their feelings, men prefer to retreat into their cave and process things silently – perhaps by immersing themselves in a computer game, or perhaps managing their fantasy football league with the help of different sites, or even shutting down and going for a walk.
As John Gray, the author of “Men are From Mars Women Are From Venus” explains the challenge comes when dealing with emotionally intense situations, with a partner of the opposite sex, as men and women do have different ways of communicating.
A woman might perceive you withdrawing into your cave as being disinterested in her feelings, when in fact, you’re likely to be just taking the time to process them so that you can respond appropriately rather than react instantly.
All this to say, that women tend to be more emotionally expressive with each other than men are, meaning it can be helpful to get some structured insight into an aspect that we could all do with increasing… our sense of self-esteem.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self esteem is fundamentally a feeling of confidence in your own worth; it is not so much about your ability to undertake a particular task – but your ability to value and accept yourself for who you are; seeing your qualities as well as your flaws.
A lot of people confuse confidence with self-esteem, but confidence tends to be something that is outwardly expressed rather than what’s on the inside… and men, in particular, are very good at faking outer confidence whilst feeling a little shaky on the inside. Indeed, this is a critical social survival technique for many men.
How Does Low Self-Esteem Show Up?
Low self-esteem tends to show up the most in our personal relationships. Did you know that a major cause for impotence in men is actually down to low self-esteem (i.e. performance anxiety) rather than anything physiological. The mind controls the body, and therefore, if you are feeling insecure it will find a way to come out – even if, on the surface you appear confident!
Low self-esteem tends to be the culprit for under performance in work and business, it tends to be the reason we settle for less than we deserve, why we allow ourselves to get out of shape and so on. It’s a vicious cycle however, as for instance, the more out of shape you become the worse you feel – which leads to you not doing anything about it – which leads to you getting more out of shape and the cycle continues.
The other challenge with low self-esteem is rather than deal with the underlying issue, it is easier to mask it and become dependent on an external crutch, for instance, alcoholism or gambling.
How To Get More Self-Esteem
Unfortunately, self esteem isn’t something you can purchase or achieve instantly. It’s something that must be developed over time and generated from within. For this reason, it’s important to realize that the phenomenon of over achievement (where people feel the need to achieve huge things in order to compensate for their lack of self-worth) will not make it better.
The answer, in a nutshell, is to work on the feeling of self-acceptance and appreciating the good in yourself.