Scientific Advice For Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse (Because Scientists Have Nothing Better To Do)

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Do you have a plan for what to do if your family, friends and the rest of the world suddenly turned into real-life, brain-eating zombies? No? That’s a shame because you never know when some mutant virus will overtake the planet, rot people’s brains and make them all crazy. (Hey, didn’t that already happen?)

Anyway, it turns out that surviving the zombie apocalypse isn’t just the concern of people who have spent a little too much time watching scary movies. Now scientists are weighing in and giving their two-cents about what people should do if they ever wake up one day and find themselves in this nightmare scenario.

Scientists at Oxford University decided to run what they called a “mathematical simulation” of a zombie apocalypse. The word mathematical is probably an attempt to hide the true nature of the research behind the guise of academic discipline and rigor.

The simulation used a real map of America, and tracked the movements of more than 300 million people in much the same way a regular epidemiological model follows real epidemics. The researchers put people into four different states: human, infected, zombie and dead zombie and then ran the model to see who was least at risk of getting infected. It turned out that the people that did best weren’t those who went charging into the major cities, firing their sawn-off shotguns and decapitating zombies with baseball bats. Instead, it was those who ran for the hills and didn’t look back.

The CDC has released its own advice for what to do in the zombie apocalypse, based on the findings of researchers, like those from Cornell. Here’s what they came up with.

Stock Up On Supplies

During the zombie apocalypse, the problem isn’t so much the zombies themselves, but the collapse of the economy and the fact that everybody has to fend for themselves like they are on an adventure. For this reason, the CDC recommends that people stock up on IFAK kits, providing them with medical supplies, food, and ammo to see the apocalypse through.

Wait For A Cure

The CDC says that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, they would conduct an investigation into a cure in much the same way as they would any other epidemic. Their advice, therefore, is to wait for a cure. Don’t hold your breath.

Isolate Your Family

If you’re a prepper and you’re worried about natural disasters, there’s a good chance you’re already in a good position to weather the zombie apocalypse, according to the CDC. The preparation for the zombie apocalypse, they say, is along the same lines as the preparation one might do to survive a pandemic or an earthquake.

Buy A Protective Suit

Bristol City Council over in the UK is a world leader in survival advice for when zombies take over the planet. They suggest that people buy themselves an Ebola-style protective suit in the event of an emergency, although they aren’t clear on how well this will protect people from having their brains being eaten. Perhaps something with a bit more armor might be better?

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