Dear Exercise: An Open Letter You Will Probably Sympathize With

dancing, exercise, fitness, Food, golf, Health, housework, trampoline, zorbing

A big cat representation of me contemplating exercise.

Oh, exercise.

Hello, my old friend. You are the thorn in my side; the curdle on my milk; the cloud to my silver lining.

Now I know, you have a point. As anyone reading this will understand, you’re very easy to hate. I’m not the only one. It’s a global thing, except for about 10% of the population who claim to love you.

But who could really love you, exercise? You’re no fun at all. If it’s between you and those supposed endorphins and a night in front of Netflix – it doesn’t even come close. You have stock photos showing people working up a sweat with huge smiles on their faces. But we all know it’s just lies.

The reasons I hate you are endless, but I’ll try and keep it brief:

  1. I know I shouldn’t hate you. You’re “good for me, ” and I should engage with you more. But somehow, knowing that makes me hate you even more. It’s like kale. Should I eat it? Yes. Do I want to? Absolutely not. So I resent it for being there, compromising me.
  2. You make me smell. I don’t care how many different antiperspirants are meant to help; they don’t. Eventually, exercise makes you smell. It’s inevitable.
  3. Did I mention the Netflix thing? Or, in fact, almost any other activity in the world? Still more fun than you, sorry.

Now, I’m not a quitter. I know why you’d think it because our relationship has been so spotty, but I have tried. I have done the classic thing of trying to make you more fun. No more sweating it out in a gym for me, pedalling to nowhere!

A Brief List of Things I Tried:

  • Zorbing. I have no idea why I thought this was a good idea.
  • Dancing. I can’t dance, and I made a fool of myself.
  • Golf. It’s something, but there’s not much “feeling the burn”.
  • Trampolining. Fun, until I remembered I wasn’t a child.
  • Skipping. See above.
  • Housework. I’m not sure why I thought doubling down on two things I dislike would somehow make it more enjoyable, but yeah, didn’t work.

I’ve tried bribery as well. I got some great workout clothes, except now I tend to refer to them as my “sitting around watching TV clothes”. I splurged on some Jordan 11 sneakers, and I love them. I love them so much I don’t want to get battered by exercise. I even tried getting a gym membership, so I felt compelled to go as I had spent the money.

None of it worked.

Can we ever work it out – excusing the pun – exercise? I don’t know if it’s possible. I don’t know if I will ever enjoy you, but I do know I’m not going to quit you. I get I need you (and I bet you love that, don’t you? My dependence?) so I will engage with this thing I hate.

All I ask is that you don’t expect me to do it with a smile on my face. This is how it’s going to be from now on. You, me, misery and grudging acceptance. Deal?


About Ray Gruenfelder

Creator and Founder of The Guy Corner NYC, the Guys lifestyle blog (Tech, Sports, Food, Drinks & much more). A married father of 2, this page is dedicated to "Guy Stuff". I am also Co-Founder of NYC Wine Guys, a wine blog from 2 guys from Queens, NY.

Posted on November 8, 2016 9:35 am, in Fitness Freak, For The Guys, The Jock and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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